Welcoming the “Other” Mary
The Power of God’s Mercy in Post-abortive Healing
by Elizabeth N. Brown
As pro-life Christians, we find it horrifying to ponder that close to 45 million abortions have been performed in the United States since 1973. It is a sobering and troubling fact, too, that many of the men and women who have participated in these abortions are our Catholic brothers and sisters. How hard it is to understand that those who profess to be Catholic could be party to something so anathema to the faith, not only being mute on the subject of abortion, but even actively working to weave the idea of a woman’s “right to choose” into the fabric of Church teaching and practice.

What can be done to stem this tide? The prospect of bringing about contrition and real change in the hearts of our brethren can seem overwhelming. And yet, there are those involved with the Catholic pro-life movement who instinctively know they must move forward and not lose hope. They are the defenders of the unrepresented: the child in the womb who has no voice, no rights, and is defenseless in protecting himself from the wrong and, yes, evil actions of others.

These pro-life warriors have worked tirelessly and sometimes at great personal cost and sacrifice to ensure everyone’s right to life. One could say their efforts are—and continue to be—one of perfect discipleship. Like Mary, the mother of Our Lord and the model of perfect discipleship, many in the pro-life movement gave their fiat from the beginning, knowing without any uncertainty what is right and true, good and just. Constantly resonating is their message that abortion is wrong and that there are other life-giving ways to cope with a troubled pregnancy.

Yet in order for the pro-life cause to progress forward and deeply penetrate the hardened hearts and minds of our Catholic brothers and sisters, as well as society at large, there is a need for the movement to welcome more fully the “other” Mary: Mary Magdalene, as seen in the woman or man who has succumbed to the evil of abortion and is in desperate need of reconciliation and healing; the same Mary Magdalene who has been redeemed through the mercy of Jesus Christ and longs to claim her place as loyal disciple and eloquent witness to His mercy and the sacredness of life.

We must work to understand the heart and experience of post-abortive men and women, and develop a view that post-abortion reconciliation, healing, and public witnessing are necessary and vital pro-life endeavors. These are causes that the Catholic pro-life movement must really rally around in order to increase the effectiveness of the critically important work that is done in preserving life.

The prospect of devoting one’s time and energy to bringing about healing—and ultimately embracing those who are now reconciled and who wish to share testimony of their abortion experiences—can be painful and difficult. It is hard to come to terms with the fact that men and women who have killed their own babies are deserving of this time, care, and compassion. After all, these men and women made a deliberate decision to end a life—they have made their bed and must lie in it.

This is a legitimate and honest perspective, and it is natural to feel uneasy when thinking about interacting with a post-abortive man or woman in a meaningful way. However, it is necessary to move through these understandable and complex feelings into a state of action. Let’s remind ourselves of who these millions of women are: They are women we sit next to in a movie theater, those in the supermarket checkout line; they may be in our class or at the Mass we attend. Post-abortive men and women are closer to us than we may think.

From a purely sociological perspective, unresolved post-abortive symptoms not only affect individual lives, but also marriages, other children in the family, and the larger community. The effects of abortion lead to a wide range of psychiatric and social disorders including, but not limited to, depression, anxiety, suicide, homicide, drug and alcohol addiction, and the abuse of living children.

Those who have participated in abortion also suffer higher rates of divorce. Dr. Vincent Rue, psychotherapist, marriage and family therapist, and nationally recognized speaker regarding the adverse effects of abortion, states that “abortion has major implications for married life. Because of the abortion decision . . . the capacity to develop trust, enhance communication and problem-solving skills and build intimacy, honesty and companionship is severely restricted.”

In addition, women who are post-abortive have a significantly large number of repeat abortions. According to the Guttmacher Institute (the research arm of Planned Parenthood), over 40 percent of post-abortive women will have additional abortions within five years of their initial abortion. For some, it will become a form of contraception, and the effects are often generational.
Susan Ridley, author of Relieved but Deceived, writes that her unresolved abortion experiences had a noticeable impact on her daughters. Although she didn’t assist them financially to procure abortions, she didn’t try very hard to convince them not to have abortions. She avoided the subject or offered just a little advice. Susan thought her daughters knew that she didn’t approve, but she had deceived herself into thinking they understood this. The end result: She and her four daughters experienced over 20 abortions.

And what about the “silent statistic,” the men who have willfully participated in the sin of abortion, or those who have been marginal or passive? Sociologist Arthur Shostak, who was party to an abortion himself, notes that in his study regarding the affect of abortion on men, three out of four male partners stated they had a difficult time with the abortion, that their relationships did not survive the abortion stress, and that a sizeable number reported night dreams about the child-that-never-was, along with considerable guilt, remorse, and sadness. At the least, the abortion experience may lead to increased masculine insecurity, alienation, and role conflict. At the most, these unresolved feelings can lead to a wide range of displaced male aggression, such as child abuse, spousal abuse, or self-abuse.

There are philosophical and practical reasons why women and men should experience post-abortion healing. Once healed, they can provide very convincing arguments as to why abortion is wrong. If a tiny percentage of all the “walking wounded” were healed and came forward, this would revolutionize the pro-life cause. Why? Because we might be able to achieve a critical mass that could move political opinion and shape public policy. In practical terms, if only one percent of the close-to-45 million post-abortive women were reached, that would be over 450,000 new voices for life. Voices that would offer irrefutable testimony that the abortion industry does not truly care about women and families, it is not about choice, and its ultimate goal is about destruction. 450,000 new voices would say, “We deserve better!” As a result of this, the abortion advocates will be forced to defend their practice on its own terms, not with abstract philosophical language of freedom and choice, but with flesh and blood lives: babies with identities, and their parents, souls shattered and lost in unspeakable grief.

Beyond these troubling worldly concerns and arguments, however, the spiritual consequences of abortion provide the most compelling reason for us to respond. As Catholic Christians, we are called to this work. Not because we are more interested in winning political debates and legal challenges, but primarily because we, as Catholics, are in the business of saving souls. We cannot fathom God’s mercy, but we must unite with Him in this work of redemption, for the ultimate tragedy is not making it to heaven. As Jesus said in the Gospel of Matthew, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides” (Mt. 6:33). Isn’t abortion a symptom of a much deeper problem, namely, the alienation of man from his creator and eternal savior? Seek first to minister to the wounded in His righteousness, and we shall stop abortion besides.
It is this Catholic Christian model of justice intertwined with love and mercy that fashions into whole cloth our ability to assist willingly those who have been affected by this dreadful scourge and for the affected to respond to our ministering.

In his encyclical “On the Mercy of God,” Pope John Paul II states, “The Church lives an authentic life when she professes and proclaims mercy and when she brings people close to the sources of the Savior’s mercy. Jesus Christ taught that man not only receives and experiences the mercy of God, but that he is also called to practice mercy towards others: ‘Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.’ The Church sees in these words a call to action. Man attains to the merciful love of God to the extent that he himself is transformed in the spirit of that love towards his neighbor.”

This model of mercy is beautifully embodied in the relationship between Jesus, His mother, and Mary Magdalene, the woman of ill repute who sinned so tremendously that Jesus had to cast out seven demons from within her. Did she deserve this awesome gift? No, she did nothing to deserve it. Why did He even bother? Because He loved her. He saw and named her sin and then moved past it. His love transformed her into the person He knew she was, the person she was always meant to be. Mary Magdalene could not forget the love Our Lord showered upon her, a sinner. It was indelibly imbued upon her soul. This love directed her every action, leading her even to the Cross at her own possible peril. What a risk. She had to take it, for she was forever changed.

What a glorious image to behold: Mary, our Blessed Mother—always faithful, the paradoxical combination of virginal purity and maternal fruitfulness, the true essence of life-giving love—and the “other” Mary, the Magdalene—she who once was lost but now has been found—both kneeling together in friendship and solidarity at the feet of their beloved Savior. The powerful joining of perfect discipleship, redeemed human failing, and sacrifice born out of love. This joining, my friends in Christ, is undoubtedly the key to transforming radically hardened hearts and minds. It is this synthesis of fidelity, justice, and mercy that cannot be ignored; it is in this way that God’s people and our land will finally be healed of this plague of abortion.

Back to Archive

Current Issue